Here we are again… repeating a lesson that I missed almost two years prior, when I didn’t trust my gut. I didn’t listen to the voice that told me to be still. I ignored every warning bell that went off in my spirit because I was afraid of truly stepping out on faith. I put my feelings aside because it seemed like the “right” thing to do. Almost two-years ago my graduate internship ended and I had no income. Being unemployed with no prospects made me desperate for an opportunity to prove my worth.
I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to New Orleans and I really wanted to make an opportunity for myself here in Boston. So I took a job that I didn’t necessarily want because I had rent and bills to pay. I swallowed my pride and “did what I had to do” because this is what being an adult is– sacrifice. I was unhappy, but my bills were paid, that’s important right? I doubted my talent, dimmed my light and faded into the background because there were many people around me that were offended by my light.
Here we are full circle because I’ve been laid off and now have a decision to make. With this “do-over” at a life lesson, do I become consumed and desperate to pay bills or trust that their is a bigger plan for my life that hasn’t come to fruition? Well, since the former didn’t work out the first time, there must be a bigger plan in the works that’ll benefit me.
I’m looking for the lessons in the shattered pieces… willing the universe to bend around me as I find my way.
So far, I’ve learned:
- All my emotions are valid–I have to allow myself to feel whatever it is that I feel and not invalidate it. It’s o.k. to cry, be angry, laugh, etc. Don’t bottle it up or hide it.
- To be comfortable with being uncomfortable— Growth is uncomfortable, but I can’t learn without growth. This will stretch me.
- To rest— There’s only so much worrying I can do ( And I worry a lot). But, worrying solves nothing, so get some sleep or take a nap.
- To pray/meditate–It’s in the darkest hour that my faith has truly been tested.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
- To have fun!— Don’t wallow in self-pity. Get some fresh air, do something that brings you joy.